The Issue of Soul Mate

That [soul mates] do not exist is to be kept TOP SECRET. … Let’s be blunt. This concept is more New Age than Christian.

One New Age website, however, gives three signs you’ve “definitely” found your soul mate:

1. You just connect without trying,

2. Your level of communication is unmatched, and

3. You create your own world together. That’s cute, it’s nice, maybe it’s even romantic . . . but it’s certainly not biblical.

Now, all of this confusion might be kind of funny if it weren’t so harmful to naïve Christians and others who’ve fallen for this idea. Because, this idea implies that somewhere out there is that “perfect person” for you, and if your marriage is not exploding with intense communication, romance, and a great sex life--then, maybe it’s because your spouse is not your “soul mate.”
Men who are a little bored with their wives, or vice versa, might be tempted by a co-worker who “understands them so well and is their soul mate, or could be their soul mate.” But frankly, this is a recipe for adultery and divorce, and families end up getting dropped for “soul mates.”

So, stop scouring the globe for someone with whom a relationship will require absolutely no work or compromise. The “soul mate” concept is unworkable and completely unfair to the real other person in your life. It puts enormous pressure on him or her to perform, to meet our impossible expectations.

Putting others in God’s place--expecting them to give us what only He can, is a naked form of idolatry and will only lead to deep disappointment.

Here’s another thing. The “soul mate” idea suggests that marriage is all about me, that I need to find someone who understands me perfectly, who makes me happy. Marriage should be about finding someone you can make happy. In the great teaching on marriage in Ephesians, for example, husbands are told to lay down their lives for their wives, as Christ did for the church. No man, however truly he loved his betrothed and bride as a young man has lived faithful to her as a wife in mind and body without deliberate conscious exercise of the will and/or without self-denial.”

So, let’s drop the whole “soul mate” talk. Marriage can be wonderfully satisfying, but that’s the result of God’s grace, hard work, and self-sacrificial love. And that is the truth.

What does exist--at least for many people,is a person who you know instinctively, who you connect with on the deepest level and who allows you to grow as a person within the relationship. When that person is a romantic partner, you've come across something truly special.

Below are 9 signs you have found such a person:

1. You communicate without speaking. Soul mates can read each other like an open book. They connect fervently on every level of being, one may finish the other's sentences, they may pick up the phone to call each other simultaneously, or feel like they simply can't be without their partner.
A soul mate also knows how to respond to your emotional signals. They stay close when you confide, give you their full attention and move in to answer to your needs, touching your hand when you are a little unsure, beaming and hugging you when you are glad, and tenderly comforting you when you are in pain.

2. You know in your gut that you've found The One. The old adage "When you know, you know" rings true when it comes to a soul-mate connection. There really is no guessing or wondering when the real thing comes along. There is usually a telltale sign that lets you know when true love has arrived--a voice in your head, a sense of recognition or a gut feeling that this is someone special to you.

3. The physical chemistry is palpable. The electricity that you feel doesn't just happen on a sexual level. Holding the hand of your soul mate throws your spirit into a whirlwind, even many years into the relationship.

4. You've been totally comfortable around each other since day one. Soul mates connect with ease right off the bat and let their true colors show without fear of judgment. Soul mates often feel a sense of the familiarity and a sense of comfort around each other. It's easier to relax into that person and allow themselves to be vulnerable. It is the one who opens up to you--who lets you in, so you can see them. This is the kind of person who takes risks and shares about their inner world, their emotions and their needs.

5. But the relationship isn't all rainbows and butterflies. He or she challenges you like no one else can. The soul-mate relationship, despite what people might assume, isn't always smooth sailing. A soul mate isn't always wrapped in the perfect package, physically or in terms of life circumstances--nor does it mean that the relationship will come without challenge, yet, the difference is that the life circumstances and the difficult challenges are a strengthening power that becomes the glue that keeps you together through the difficult times and helps each of you become your most authentic self. What's more, we rely on our soul mates to help us evolve as people. You might find a soul-mate relationship to be rocky, and that your partner is someone who pushes your buttons and aggravates you at first, because, they bring with them some of the more difficult lessons for the soul.

6. You may not see eye-to-eye on every little thing, but you're on the same page where it really matters. A soul-mate relationship doesn't necessarily mean both partners always share the same views, but that their overall goals and ambitions match. More diminutive opinions will differ, but soul mates generally have the same virtues and values and see the world through a similar lens.

7. The relationship brings both partners a sense of inner calm. It's obvious when you're with the wrong person--you are insecure about the relationship and worry that one false move will turn your partner off. That's not the case for soul mates. You feel confident that your partner is with you for the long haul. No matter what happens in your lives, you both agree that you are teammates, and in it together. Your inner voice tells you that you are in a healthy relationship. You trust each other, feel confident and comfortable around each other and feel safe discussing challenging topics in a mature way.

8. You and your partner have separate identities, but you face the world as one. Soul mates recognise that they are two parts of the same whole, and no outside influence or external matter can break that bond.

9. You may have known each other for years, but you suddenly find yourselves ready for love at the same time. When it comes to true love, timing is everything.